He said he’d never seen real waves and I thought about how that would feel. And I supposed it would feel about the same as how I’ve never seen a real desert – it doesn’t really feel like anything.
But then it made me think about the beach. The black sand beach that felt like ours. The place we went when it was especially sunny or when it was especially raining. The place that I went when I was especially sad or especially happy. The place that would calm me as I ran or surfed for hours. The place that saw both Ben and Leia. The place for the longest conversations with my Dad.
It was the day after I’d finished a two day adventure race. I remember as I finished I felt on top of the world, like I could do anything. But when I woke up the next morning I had a feeling of sadness that I couldn’t place. I felt empty and lonely and it was a work day but work had given me the day off. So I did what I knew to do for these unplaceable feelings – I drove to the beach.
I took Leia and she ran her hardest. I walked behind her, the wind stinging my cheeks and the salt and sand getting caught up in my hair. The wind and the waves took my tears and the sad. Leia begged me to run with her but my body ached and so she stopped running and she sat and we watched the gannets and the waves and stared into nothingness.
And that’s all it took. I felt tiny and humbled and the sad was insignificant.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
I’d be a totally different person if it wasn’t for the waves.