I’d eaten both the avocados. I didn’t even know we had two, but Ivan must have bought another one and so in lieu of anything more nutritious I decided to just eat them both. I actually saved half of one for Mika and then I craved something else but there was nothing else to eat. The downside of having no processed foods in the house I suppose.
So when Mika woke up I gave her half the avocado and fist pumped the air because she has started gobbling avocados. We were out of diapers so I needed to go to the supermarket and I looked outside and the rain was pouring and it was dark and I looked at the clock and it was only 4:15pm. Mika got in the stroller without too much fuss and we made it out the door, raincoat on, hood zipped up, rain-cover on the stroller and boots on my feet. It was a depressing 2 miles. Not even slightly enjoyable as I walked through near shin-deep puddles pushing a screaming fussy toddler.
Trader Joe’s always brightens my spirit. I turn a blind-eye to the extreme styrofoam and plastic packaging on their vegetables because dammit I love their bright colors and happy hand-written fonts and questionably low prices. I love their free coffee with soy creamer and sometimes vegan-friendly snacks. I love the staff and the happy stickers they give Mika at the checkout. And when I forget my ID I love that they never ID me. But then it makes me mad also. Don’t I look 19 anymore? ID me dammit.
My spirit was brightened, but quickly dampened the second I finished checking out. Raincoat back on. Rain cover zipped up. Wet pants. Wet feet. Wet hair. Sweaty.
I thought about winter in Seattle and I thought about winter in Vancouver and Auckland and wondered how I managed. And I remembered that in Auckland I had a car and I had a job and things to do and I never really was affected too much by the rain and the early nightfall. And in Vancovuer I didn’t have a car but I had school and I lived with 2 of my best friends and the earlier nightfall came the sooner we could party so it didn’t really matter much at all.
But now it’s just me and Mika and no car. And the mornings are OK, but she naps from 1:30-3:30 and by 4pm it’s dark and probably raining and we still have 2-3 hours before Ivan gets home and then another hour or so before her bed time and it is tough. We don’t have a big house or plenty of toys or a television or close friends nearby.
And so I think about buying a car even though I don’t want to. And I think about moving somewhere where it’s always sunny even though that’s really not an option right now. And I think about how.the.fuck I’m going to make it through the entire winter.
And that’s my story for today.