Mika and her Oma on a rainy afternoon.

We have 69 days left in New Zealand.

People keep asking me how I feel about it. Excited? Nervous? Yep and yep.

Do you ever feel as though you are waiting for life to start? Sometimes I catch myself anticipating future adventures so much that I forget that this is it. Sure, in a few months we’ll be in Mexico. And in a few months after that we’ll be in Argentina. And probably in a few years we’ll be in Canada again. But it’s hard not to get so caught up in the planning that I forget that this is it. This is the life that we will be telling Mika about in 15 years when she asks where she was born. Duh, I know, but seriously I need reminding sometimes. It’s so easy to live in future-mode when so many exciting things are happening!

So what’s happening in my life right now?

This is cooking in the oven (yeah I’m eating some cheese tonight!), Ivan is at the video shop picking up this movie, Mika is sleeping unswaddled in her little bassinet (still!), I’ve started updating my tumblr again, I’m inspired by this website, I’m currently re-reading this book, I’m really enjoying this song and I’m so excited by my two month rugby fanaticism – I love the pride, the excitement, the festivities and even watching the games. It’s great.

Oh I also love my friends Red & Helen who just moved into their new Ponsonby home. It’s very exciting.

Life is good.

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I am currently…

…wanting this camera lens, this canvas bag and everything from Misha Lulu’s Africa collection for Mika. Eeeep. Birthday?

…loving that my brother is coming home from Vancouver on June 14! Mika will get to meet her Uncle Vinny. She’s excited. And one of my best friends arrives tomorrow and is staying with us for the weekend. There’s so much to look forward to!

…enjoying red bush tea. Have you tried it? It’s a new obsession. I’ve also started eating seaweed as a snack. Addictive.

…realizing that one of the things I dislike the most about cooking is grating vegetables. I made beetroot burgers last night and it required plenty of grated vegetables. I love cooking, but I hate grating. Gah!

…eating this, this and this for dinner. And then I made this and this for dessert.

...smiling back at Mika. Every morning when I go in to see her, she gives me a huge toothless grin. And when I unwrap her from her miracle wrap she stretches her arms up to me. It makes me smile just thinking about it. She’s become super super smiley.

…hoping that you guys will check out my new photography website. I’ve only just put it up so it would be great if you could pass it on to friends who might be looking for a photographer. And if you’re pregnant, have a baby, have kids, have a boyfriend/girlfriend or a wife/husband – then you should consider getting some pictures taken!

…sharing Mika’s 11 week photos with you. If you like ‘em – please vote for us on Top Baby Blogs today. They reset the counter so we have a shot at page 1

Have a wonderful weekend!

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If someone had told me that for FIFTY days I would average about 4 hours uninterrupted sleep each night, I would have thought it to be impossible.

But one thing is certain: time keeps moving forward and somehow we are here at 50 days.

And I know (I know) that somehow we will also end up at 1 year, at 5 years and then somehow at 18 years.

I want to keep remembering these moments, these days, these feelings. Mika’s birth has stopped playing on repeat in my mind. The smell of newborn baby long disappeared. Her jerky movements are becoming more fluid. I know that I can never get these moments back so I want to enjoy them as much as I can. I know all too well that moments are sometimes most enjoyed in hindsight – but I have been conscious of this for years and I keep trying to do all I can to really be in each moment.

Today Mika and I sat in the park. The sun was shining and the grass was still wet from the morning dew. She was wearing her bright green little hooded sweatshirt and I was wearing my dark olive green sweater. I stroked her soft dark brown hair and stared into her sweet blue eyes as she silently (for a change!) fed. I know she can’t really understand what’s going on, but one day she will. And one day she will realise that she has a mamá and a papá who love her as big as the oceans. One day she will sit facing outwards in her carrier and she will see the world with us. And one day she will tell us that she loves us too and she will explore her world and tell us about everything she discovers.

These days will come much too soon and one day we will be remembering these silent moments in the park where no words are spoken. And we will miss them. And I will wonder ‘did I enjoy them at the time? Did I live them to their fullest and savour each second?’

And this is my reminder to find what I love in every moment. Because if I don’t love the moment when I’m in it then it will only be enjoyed in hindsight and this seems like a waste of beautiful moments to me.

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A few days before Mika was born, I was grabbing a drink with one of my best friends Pablo and he asked me if I missed doing anything yet. You know, going out till 4AM, being so drunk that you wake up with a broken foot, going out for breakfast, even just waking up late.

My answer then was “No, not yet.” And if he was to ask me that now one month after my baby was born I would say “No, period.”

Thing is, there are some good and bad memories that I ponder on sometimes. I loved living in Vancouver with Pablo, going for coffee in the morning to Elysian and taking the last bus to Pam’s house in Kitsilano. But even if we were all to move back to Vancouver and spend a year there, (without a baby) it would never be exactly how we remember it.

Things change, people change and when you are expecting or have a child, things change faster. Your body and mind adapt, it’s hard work, it’s stressful once in a while, but it beats any experience I’ve ever lived. Coming home to my family is my treat for working hard during the day. It’s never a duty and never a chore. And I look forward to all the memories that will be created with Mika in our lives.

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Playing :: Backgammon, Cribbage and Scrabble.

Listening to :: Miss Li, Rabbit, Jeremy Larsen and the new Iron & Wine album (which is just OK so far)

Enjoying :: Facebook’s new message thing where you can read your entire message history with anyone.  It’s awesome.

Eating :: The best and easiest chickpea and broccoli salad ever.

Laughing at :: This insanely funny video.  Probably old news, I dunno… but it is so.freaking.funny:

Hoping :: That baby will arrive before Tess leaves (tomorrow at 6pm).  She has been here for a whole 7 days!

Thankful for :: A beautiful boyfriend who has a rough sleep because of his allergies but then wakes up at 7am to make us all pancakes for breakfast.  Just because.  <3

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